I think scott just propositioned me for sex
508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Randomize
