You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
