They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Life without a bra equals bliss.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
