I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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