the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
