Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
