i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
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