did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Randomize
