just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
my being single is dangerous.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
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