I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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