I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
