I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
