Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Hippo gnu deer
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
