My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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