so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
