I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
My dick has a subreddit
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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