i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
