Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
