Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
