dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
