We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize