I'm lost and stupid without you.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Randomize
