WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
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