Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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