If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize