The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize