tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Randomize
