There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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