She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Randomize
