i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize
