Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
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