It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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