Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
It's never too late to be topless.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
