I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
