one might say we're banned from that church
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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