You can't special order awesome
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Randomize
