We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
