I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
