So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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