Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I faked an abortion last night.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
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