woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
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