I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
