whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
