This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
