Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
