You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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