whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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