Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
