Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
It's blow job season.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Randomize
