Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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