Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
