Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
