our cab driver is having phone sex.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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