she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
