By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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