Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
