At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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