i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
