Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
