How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
