my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
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