A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
