Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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