I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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