I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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