OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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