I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
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