Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Randomize
