She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Randomize
