Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
bring money and cleavage
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
