She's like a pop up book from hell.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
