So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
