Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
