He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Randomize
