If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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